BRING ON THE GIFTS YO!!!!!

I realize that I have been a total looooooooserrr w/my blogging attempts this past month. I realize this because coming up already this next Tuesday we will be heading back to vegas already...... WHHHHHAAAAA???  I cannot believe this last month just seemed to slip through my fingertips. (I mean that literally, haha, since I didn't blog)    No really though, I guess somewhere between "Don't Forget the Lyrics, Fuse Music video count downs, and LAME (I'm really not proud of) reality death traps such as Millionaire Matchmaker, Flipping Out, etc."  my time got whittled down...........    

Now that that's out of the way let's move on shall we......  

I received a letter from my dear sister Heather Anne last night, and I must say it was a welcomed one for sure! I have been reading my sisters blogs a bit hear and there (I am surrendering to the fact that I'm not going to get all the way caught up w/you two, and that's OK. I will take it from here, and one day when I get away from the tv long enough to read a bit, I will have a whole lot of stories waiting for me!!)  I noticed a bit of chatter about "gifts" ....   I must say this sparked my interest.     

So the letter stats pretty much that 29 days of giving will change my life. I know that this is already true. I am taken back to a time when I was participating in some classes that NO DOUBT were focused on gift giving in the form of  being conscious, and totally aware AND ENGAGED with those around me.....      IT ABSOLUTELY CHANGED MY LIFE! FOREVER!!!!!    

The sad thing about it is that as the time has gone by I have slowly let some of those things go.....   What an amazing feeling to really connect with everyone you see. Through their eyes!! How often I look around or to the ground lately. I most always have my sunglasses on when I am on my way to or from my house, (only because most of the time I have no make-up on and I feel a "need" to hide my face. Therefore my eyes!) and  I know that it is disconnecting me with those around me.  

So YES, Hug. I will take your challenge!  

GIFT #1-  This evening Golden and I decided to pack up baby and head to target. It was around 7 or so, and lil Seerie bird was already getting very tired. (She usually goes to bed around 8)  So I told Golden, we don't have much time, let's hustle!

We proceed to dink around target for about, well, just short of 2 hrs....  
Let's just say our little dear was as good as we could have asked of her. By the time we were checking out her tears were a constant down her face, although she was not crying, she was in fact still pulling out her big smiles at the cashier.  It was obvious to her parents though that we had pushed her to her limit as we saw her smile was a painful one, and as much as she was holding back her grunts were getting louder and more sad by the min....    

We pulled in to the parking lot, loaded up all our crap (if you picture a homeless pushing a cart loaded to the gills with everything imaginable that's how we look pretty much 99.9% of the time as we load Seerie's stroller up w/blankets, groceries, HER of course as I have on a diaper bag back pack, And my purse)   So we make it to the elevator...   da dee daaaaaa... going up. OH, Oops, Here comes a lady. Golden and I fumble around to get the door open.   Ok, come on in.      It's a blonde haired lady, she is also going to the 4th floor. She is not making any kind of eye contact. We are looking at Ser, making little chatter, oh, here we are.   We all start walking down the hall.... The lady is in front of us, and I am trying to stop a bit so we aren't on her heels, Golden doesn't seem to care so much about that as he is ready to be home...............              

WELL, She is still walking down the hall. She is getting closer to our door, and whoa whoa...... wait a min...........        

This is our next door neighbor.. LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT OUR NEIGHBOR......    She was extremely RUDE to me one evening while I was sitting outside on my deck.. Let's just say, we have never meet, we have had bad blood, and we have NEVER felt any kind of desire to make friends with this lady.......  

As she stopped at her door, she was lingering there, waiting and looking on at us....  I looked at her, smiled, and said, "Have a good night"  and I really meant it!  This may sound like a simple thing, but the part about stepping outside of myself, going out of my way was definitely the bigger picture her.  

I was happy to let it go! To see that she was kind of smurkingly looking at us, like she knew who we were, and we knew her, and I made effort to look back at her and say something.  I know that had I not been open to this challenge I would have been looking straight ahead, and as soon as I stepped inside would've been talking trash.....     I already feel better!!!!!!!!!  

Thank you hug, for extending your challenge to the rest of us and enlightening our lives!!! Love you!!!   

P.S. Hug, and Min, You guys gotta go on Don't Forget the Lyrics! I keep telling Golden, maybe I already mentioned it to you hug, but check it out!!! You can win 50 THOUSAND, why not try?!!  It's a karaoke game show on VH1...   :)       

I love to go, I LOVE to be Home!

So I'm doing things a little different today. Normally when I get on to blog, I read my sisters blogs and comment so by the time I'm ready to blog my window named seerie's naptime is gonejo.  Instead I will blog now and catch up later!
Let's go back like 2 weeks... I had a freak out/melt down on Golden. Probably for something really lame, and it was brought to my attention that this is the cycle that repeats itself every ding dang month. I fail to realize (until I have a blow up) that I begin to get really stressed out about a week before it's time to go down to vegas. Well I know that I get stressed, I think it's not really that bad until I have a come apart... Let's think for just a few seconds of our mother..... Now we were always going along, EVERYTHING GREAT, life as we kids knew it was, well,  pretty awesome... all of the sudden, BAMSHLINGSHANGINGFORD..    Mom's pissed, yelling, slamming things around,  followed up by crying.. leaving everyone in the house super quiet, wishing themselves to the size of an ant to hopefully (cross our fingers) not cause any more waves...

So I'm like my mother after all!!!! Love you mom, I wouldn't want it any other way! haha. However, I really didn't realize how stressed I was feeling. I know that I do this to myself every month, and I am committing to shift out of this nonsense!

I think it was when Golden said, under his breath a little, "I know. it's the same thing every month. this happens every time."............      So after calming down, getting a hold of myself, I told him.. "I am going to have the best week down in vegas. I'm going to be really busy, and clients are going to get a hold of me to come in that I haven't seen for a while. I'm going to enjoy every client, and have a good time! I'm not even going to be stressed, and it's not going to feel like I'm even that busy but I will make more money this time than I have (since I've just been working the 2/2 1/2 days)"  

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT!   I was for the first time ever, super relaxed and enjoying myself! (I always enjoy myself but not as much because I get overwhelmed in the back of my head) I was not stressed at all, I was super busy, I was thinking of our conversations in our blogs and how we've been talking about being in the moment, REALLY TAKING IN EACH MOMENT, and I really did! I was for the most part on time, (give or take a half hr here and there) Before we left to come down I had heard from a couple clients that I hadn't seen for awhile and got them in... I made more money than I have been making, and I had a blast!  I KNOW that our words are so powerful! It is something that amazes me time and time again! It is so true, and I KNOW that it is.. Why I get caught up in the nonsense and stress, Not anymore I tell you!

I wrote a few posts back about my clients, and doing hair gives me a way to connect on a different level w/them. I feel like because I wrote it down, and verbalized it, it also made me more aware of my time with them, and really take it all in.  I also know that for me to open up to Golden, and share what's going on in my head is so awesome for us.  I am indeed grateful for this blogging!         

VEGAS BABY, VEGAS

Really quick I want to leave a little note for my sisters..  I'm supposed to be packing right now, and although I've had all day to get this achieved.... I have only gotten so far as getting out all the suitcases, watching all the animals freak out, (because they know it's that time again) and getting aesop with all of his gear over to amy's house so they can watch him for the weekend. Amy also comes over once while we are gone to empty out the kitty liter, and get the cats some fresh water.... Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Amy!!!! It is not the best job in the world, and we soooooooo appreciate you doing this! (And I just know that some day you will get on this handy thing called the internet, and read my blog, and get this thank you! Maybe you will even be so lucky to be getting on it at your very own house ;))  Although I am not happy for you that your car broke down, I am happy that we are able to let you borrow our car while we are gone. It's one thing we can at least do for you guys to say thanks!...      

Anyways, I'm just letting you guys know that I will be taking a break from blogs until monday 11th... It's time for me to dust off my professional self, and get busy! I love you guys, and I promise a big juicy long blog when I get back! xo 

OK, So FINALLY onto my own post....

I've been struggling to get a post of my own out since I log on and first read HB and Details (leave them comments that seem to take up a whole dang page as of late) and then when I am finally ready to settle into my own posting the little bird is up, or it's time for dinner, etc..   so here we go....   I do find though that I always come away from reading my sisters posts with so many ideas of my own to write about, and to get into a little more off of hugs post today, Humor Me, I find myself reflecting to the last week or so with Seerie. She is really turning into quit the good little eater. She takes after her momma that way, and when she eats sweet potatoes she actually makes some super noises after each bite... hummm, hmm hym huymm... so the other day, I had to warm some up in the microwave and they were a bit too warm. I got her little spoon full and blew on it. OHHHH my goodness she started laughing and laughing! She had her nose all crinkled up, and her laugh was super airy, she is just discovering this new kind of laugh. SO I started laughing, like really laughing, and she starts laughing harder and we are just having this little laugh off.. It pretty much lasted the whole rest of her lunch, and has continued on for the week. It's for sure this small bit of bliss that is no doubt a beautiful part of my day. It was so refreshing and freeing to be in a real exchange of laughter with my daughter. I do fake laughs/funny noises all day long for her, but this one was way different.... it's awesome!             Now, we get on to my very least favorite thing to do with seerie. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... NOT the DR. OFFICE for shots. PLEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEE....boo hoo. When oh when will it be time to stop getting more shots in this lil baby!!! I mean lets get real for a min. from the second she got shot out into this big world she starts getting poked, prodded and stuck every ding dang time we turn around. We were informed today that on her 9 mnth check up there are no vaccinations HOWEVER, comma, she has to have her second flu shot. So nope. Not getting out of it yet.  Golden let me know (as he was mowing down cheerios while we were waiting for the dr. to come into the rm) that it was indeed my turn to hold seerie down while she was getting her shots seeing how he did it last time. I said, "fine. no big deal. She doesn't cry that hard anyways. You're the one that freaks out more than her anyways"  the truth is that it sucks to see her crying, and I do hate this day just as much as golden does.... So we get through the appt. She's weighing in at 18.8 lbs, 26 inches (70th percentile for her weight, hehe, and 50% height) we go over why she has a rash on her back, what foods she's eating and how she's not really down with her bottle as much anymore. She'd rather eat her food, but we know that she is still supposed to be getting the bulk of her calories/nutrition from formula....  Right-e-o... lets get on with this already.. during our visit she's been rolling all around the table, grabbing and admiring the dr.s stethoscope, just taking it all in. Here comes the nurse... Okey doke. Lets start with the heel stick.. great. OHH wait, not even a peep, this is going to be a cake walk! Next is the edible one, sweet, she takes her medicine like its a treat, fanfizzytastic.. OK. Now you hold down her arms so she cant try to grab or move..   Just at that moment in walks golden (he had scurried off to the restrm to make a bottle) he immediately starts to cringe, I stopped my humming in seeries ear long enough to tell  him to get out. (in the nicest way of course) nothing but positive energy in here ... K, going to go one after the other, like 5 shots, including her first flu shot... I was laying kind of on her, with my head nxt to hers, holding her arms down, trying not to focus anything but LOVE and LIGHT to her, humming softly in her ear..... I cannot even begin to tell you how sad it is. She starts crying, it's like no other cry I have ever heard from her. She is hurting so bad, and I feel that I am this ultimate betrayal right about now. She is barely able to make any sounds out because she can't catch her breath, tears streaming down her face and she is looking at me like mom, how can you do this to me... the nurse finishes up, quickly gets the band aids on, and buggies out of the room... It was about 5 long min. of heart wrenching sobbing.. and then more like the saddest mini catching the breathe cries for the rest of the time.  Man, it sucks!  I know why Amy used to want me to go w/her to get the kids shots. I know I held down Elle for one of her sets, but the lady had me hold her in my lap, and maybe because this is my daughter that it makes it so dramatic...   Because I know her every single tiny emotion, every cry, every face she makes.... It really makes me think. It's going to be really hard for me when she gets older to sit back and allow her to go out on her own, do things that I know will result in hurt for her. How it will be for her own growth, and progress, but how hard it will be to watch..  I guess that's when it turns into where I get to be LOVE and LIGHT for her and allow her to make mistakes, and know that she will learn from them and become the BRIGHTEST LIGHT that she can be because of those mistakes and lessons.                  I think a lot about mom and dad. I remember asking them to let me be, let me make my mistakes and for them to love me in spite of my choices. AND THEY DID! AND THEY DO! It makes me feel from such a different perspective. To feel, really feel just on a small scale what it means to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY... I really feel that I have barely scratched the surface on this topic. I desire for Seerie to be happy. However that looks for her.  I look at her now and wonder what she will decide to be when she grows up, I think she will do something with music... She loves it so much all ready. :) That's the thing right, it doesn't matter what I think or want.. it's what she decides..  I just want to provide her with the best life and opportunity that I can, and when it comes down to it that's what my parents did for me and I am so very thankful for them!..  It is really something to be unconditional love. To really be that. I know that it is a small snippet of how Heavenly Father feels...... He wants us to be happy! And He loves us!  ................... Check out this video of the hubble telescope up in space, zooming in on the Lagoon Nebula (click on the link)!!!!      OH  P.S. her iron is low. So now we get to give her iron supplement twice a day. She doesn't like the taste of it at all, but nothing a little apple sauce wont fix!