OK, So FINALLY onto my own post....

I've been struggling to get a post of my own out since I log on and first read HB and Details (leave them comments that seem to take up a whole dang page as of late) and then when I am finally ready to settle into my own posting the little bird is up, or it's time for dinner, etc..   so here we go....   I do find though that I always come away from reading my sisters posts with so many ideas of my own to write about, and to get into a little more off of hugs post today, Humor Me, I find myself reflecting to the last week or so with Seerie. She is really turning into quit the good little eater. She takes after her momma that way, and when she eats sweet potatoes she actually makes some super noises after each bite... hummm, hmm hym huymm... so the other day, I had to warm some up in the microwave and they were a bit too warm. I got her little spoon full and blew on it. OHHHH my goodness she started laughing and laughing! She had her nose all crinkled up, and her laugh was super airy, she is just discovering this new kind of laugh. SO I started laughing, like really laughing, and she starts laughing harder and we are just having this little laugh off.. It pretty much lasted the whole rest of her lunch, and has continued on for the week. It's for sure this small bit of bliss that is no doubt a beautiful part of my day. It was so refreshing and freeing to be in a real exchange of laughter with my daughter. I do fake laughs/funny noises all day long for her, but this one was way different.... it's awesome!             Now, we get on to my very least favorite thing to do with seerie. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... NOT the DR. OFFICE for shots. PLEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEE....boo hoo. When oh when will it be time to stop getting more shots in this lil baby!!! I mean lets get real for a min. from the second she got shot out into this big world she starts getting poked, prodded and stuck every ding dang time we turn around. We were informed today that on her 9 mnth check up there are no vaccinations HOWEVER, comma, she has to have her second flu shot. So nope. Not getting out of it yet.  Golden let me know (as he was mowing down cheerios while we were waiting for the dr. to come into the rm) that it was indeed my turn to hold seerie down while she was getting her shots seeing how he did it last time. I said, "fine. no big deal. She doesn't cry that hard anyways. You're the one that freaks out more than her anyways"  the truth is that it sucks to see her crying, and I do hate this day just as much as golden does.... So we get through the appt. She's weighing in at 18.8 lbs, 26 inches (70th percentile for her weight, hehe, and 50% height) we go over why she has a rash on her back, what foods she's eating and how she's not really down with her bottle as much anymore. She'd rather eat her food, but we know that she is still supposed to be getting the bulk of her calories/nutrition from formula....  Right-e-o... lets get on with this already.. during our visit she's been rolling all around the table, grabbing and admiring the dr.s stethoscope, just taking it all in. Here comes the nurse... Okey doke. Lets start with the heel stick.. great. OHH wait, not even a peep, this is going to be a cake walk! Next is the edible one, sweet, she takes her medicine like its a treat, fanfizzytastic.. OK. Now you hold down her arms so she cant try to grab or move..   Just at that moment in walks golden (he had scurried off to the restrm to make a bottle) he immediately starts to cringe, I stopped my humming in seeries ear long enough to tell  him to get out. (in the nicest way of course) nothing but positive energy in here ... K, going to go one after the other, like 5 shots, including her first flu shot... I was laying kind of on her, with my head nxt to hers, holding her arms down, trying not to focus anything but LOVE and LIGHT to her, humming softly in her ear..... I cannot even begin to tell you how sad it is. She starts crying, it's like no other cry I have ever heard from her. She is hurting so bad, and I feel that I am this ultimate betrayal right about now. She is barely able to make any sounds out because she can't catch her breath, tears streaming down her face and she is looking at me like mom, how can you do this to me... the nurse finishes up, quickly gets the band aids on, and buggies out of the room... It was about 5 long min. of heart wrenching sobbing.. and then more like the saddest mini catching the breathe cries for the rest of the time.  Man, it sucks!  I know why Amy used to want me to go w/her to get the kids shots. I know I held down Elle for one of her sets, but the lady had me hold her in my lap, and maybe because this is my daughter that it makes it so dramatic...   Because I know her every single tiny emotion, every cry, every face she makes.... It really makes me think. It's going to be really hard for me when she gets older to sit back and allow her to go out on her own, do things that I know will result in hurt for her. How it will be for her own growth, and progress, but how hard it will be to watch..  I guess that's when it turns into where I get to be LOVE and LIGHT for her and allow her to make mistakes, and know that she will learn from them and become the BRIGHTEST LIGHT that she can be because of those mistakes and lessons.                  I think a lot about mom and dad. I remember asking them to let me be, let me make my mistakes and for them to love me in spite of my choices. AND THEY DID! AND THEY DO! It makes me feel from such a different perspective. To feel, really feel just on a small scale what it means to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY... I really feel that I have barely scratched the surface on this topic. I desire for Seerie to be happy. However that looks for her.  I look at her now and wonder what she will decide to be when she grows up, I think she will do something with music... She loves it so much all ready. :) That's the thing right, it doesn't matter what I think or want.. it's what she decides..  I just want to provide her with the best life and opportunity that I can, and when it comes down to it that's what my parents did for me and I am so very thankful for them!..  It is really something to be unconditional love. To really be that. I know that it is a small snippet of how Heavenly Father feels...... He wants us to be happy! And He loves us!  ................... Check out this video of the hubble telescope up in space, zooming in on the Lagoon Nebula (click on the link)!!!!      OH  P.S. her iron is low. So now we get to give her iron supplement twice a day. She doesn't like the taste of it at all, but nothing a little apple sauce wont fix!